I’m folding laundry before I go do the dishes. The twins are talking to each other in the kitchen as they throw their snacks at one another, falling into hapless fits of giggles at a joke only the two of them share.
A blonde blur whizzes by with one sandal and one shoe…both on the wrong feet. The door slams, only to be reopened by lighthearted laughter and running shoes down basement stairs.
I’m tired. I feel disconnected. I feel lost.
I constantly ask myself how the “everyday” gets to be every day. Going through the motions never seemed so cliche.
My husband arrives home with the usual smile, and brief moment of affection. Is it dinner time already…
He is swept up in the commotion before the screen door fully clicks.
I don’t recognize myself lately. My moods are unpredictable.
My hands seem foreign, especially when I run them through my hair and the strands fall like dust off a shelf…
I catch myself at the margains of a blank page and scribble little notes…reminding myself to breathe…
I am overweight, I know without a doubt that it is affecting every aspect of my life. My skin shows the concern I hold for details.
This isn’t who I am…is it?
A portrait of “nothing’s wrong” dressed in creased lines and imitation laughter?
I know I have to lose weight…a lot of weight. I can not keep lying to myself.
It is the one thing that I am truely unhappy about. I have been saying that for a long time though. I have been overweight for the majority of my teenage and adult years, yet it has never bothered me as much as it does right now. I actually feel unhealthy. I tire easily…where did the stamina go?
At 27 I want to feel excited about life as I share it with my four children and everyone else that webs my support system. I want a life, and I will not settle just to live anymore. I want to be passionate about something again. I can be incredible when I put all of my efforts into something I am emotionally committed to. I want to be passionate about myself.
People always say “You’ll do it when you’re ready”.
I’m ready to make a change. I’m ready to take action.
I have always told people, “if you don’t like it, change it”, but I have never put it into practice for myself. That is exactly what I will be doing.
Fuck, this is gonna be hard. I know, cause I’ve “tried before”.
When did I allow myself to lose control of the only thing that I hold birthright to…I Want it back.
I am coming to realize that my life is a result of my actions, my thoughts, my fears.
What can I do right now to get to the person I so desperately want to be? What do I have to do to take back control of my life?
I asked myself this question often.
There is an infinite amount of resources at your fingertips…literally. The internet opens access to anything you could possibly imagine. A few words in a search engine will take you to pages upon pages of information. It brought me quite accidentally to a blog outlining the journey of a man who had lost over 300lbs. That alone was enough to make me take a moment to look through the contents. I was not expecting the wealth of information contained in that one area. A mis-click on the internet had brought me to exactly the place I needed to be for questions that needed to be answered.
One of the links was a door to Rob Cooper’s Weight Loss Forum. It caught my interest immediately.
I absolutely love forums. You can find the most interesting characters in places such as this.
I began reading the spectacular stories of people that were just like me, people that are passionate about their health and fitness. People that have real setbacks, fears, anticipations, successes. People that aren’t afraid to let you in.
I wanted to join immediately, my seat had been saved, anticipating my arrival to this group of like minded, real, people.
I am changing my life
I am inspiring my family, my friends, and the people around me.
I am matching the outside to the inside.
I am pushing my limits.
I am doing these things because I deserve it, and because I can!!!
The mind is a powerful thing, so “don’t lose the keys J”.
I am challenging myself and transforming my life into something amazing…
…you should come for the ride…