My morning walks to the gym have become something that I look forward to. I use this time to reflect, to contemplate, to plan.
There are no voices. The silence tolls its minutes mute as a mime artist gazing through infinate shadows. A nuisance of shroud lined streets…one after another.
I get lost in the chemical slip of lights and traffic knuckled down to marauder strides of panic. I lock inside sublimation and beating 4 am lasts forever. This is a place with no windows, only space. This cold, quiet mantra of my mind, where beneath midnight lurks shallow clocks and silent warnings as I catch dreams like moths in my mouth.
And its beautiful this way.
My eyes placate, tasting the cool fire of my imagination, climbing inside my soul in an onslaught of sliding sensations. Pulling a pheonix canopy over questioning eyes, inducing rays of skyfire and orange tinged horizon fantasies.
Something in the air whispers contagious and I devour impossibilities while I take one step closer to my goals…
I felt a rush as I stepped through the mall doors and continued down the hall towards the gym.
Something great is going to happen today…I can feel it.
I changed quickly, remaining overly excited for my date with the scale.
Did I push it enough? Will I able to pull it out last minute? What if I didn’t lose? What if I gained? I wonder how much Israel lost?
Panic sets in and all of a sudden getting on that scale is the last thing I want to do.
“Get a grip lady, you are running yourself into a frenzy here….just breathe. You know you’re amazing.”
Ahhhhhhh the voice of reason.
She forever remains a prisioner inside my head, but holds me close when I need her the most.
*deep breath and step up*
I began this competition weighing 246.5lbs
(a far cry from the 270lbs I weighed at the beginning of my little adventure)
Two weeks passed and I did not see the scale move, however, these last two weeks were a completely different story….
Lets take a look shall we?
September 7, 2007
Weight: 246.5lbs
Waist: 44.75 inches
Hips: 50.5 inches
Thighs: 21.75 inches
Arms: 13.25 inches
Boobs: 47 inches
Total body fat: 44%
October 8, 2007
Weight: 239.5lbs
( I lost 4lbs last week and 3lbs this week)
Waist: 42.25 inches
Hips: 48 inches
Thighs: 20.5 inches
Arms: 12.5 inches
Boobs: 45.25 inches
Total body fat: 41.4%
Total weight released: 7 pounds
Total inches released: 8.75 inches
Total body fat released: 2.6%
I am now officially under 240lbs!!!!!!!!…you have no fucking idea how happy that makes me.
The exciting thing for me is that I am actually beginning to see a difference in my body when I am looking in the mirror. I can see the curve that is developing between my hips and my chest. I have gone down an entire cup size in bras. My thighs and arms look noticeably smaller and the shelf that sat on top of my ass is almost non existant. I feel sexy, and beautiful.
You will notice that I am lacking the 4 week before and after pictures. The only reason I did not include them is because there really is no visable difference between the two.
I do want to show you what my total weight loss to date looks like though.
These were my favourite jeans…well really the only jeans that fit me when I began. They are a size 24. I put them on today and had to hold them up.
These past four weeks have felt like only one. It really is amazing how quickly time passes.
A lot of things have happened in this short period of time.
I have said goodbye to my trainer and embarked on a new fitness program. I have become more involved with my children and my extended family. I have committed to bettering myself mentally because I know I’m losing grip, and the edge shouldn’t look better from the bottom.
I feel spectacular…I truely feel absolutely wonderful. I can not think back to a time where I have been in this place before. I am beginning to see things with clearer vision, I have goals that I am achieving every single day and I am proud of myself for the things that I have done…the things that I continue to do.
I’m changing who I was into who I am.
I can’t wait to see how Israel did with his 4 weeks. I think he is an amazing guy and I truely believe that he can do anything that he sets his mind to.
We’re both winners today, no matter what. We have both found our inner warriors and allowed them to unpack their bags for an extended stay.
Thanks Israel, you gave me that extra push I needed…and for that I am grateful.
You know…if I had the choice of having an easy way out of this weight loss or working for it, I would choose working for it hands down.
Why?
Because the payoff is beyond words. I am re-acquainting myself with someone that I haven’t seen for a really, really long time….
I’ve missed you J…..
~J
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