Set backs and goal squashers

[Blush]

Sometimes I think he is afraid of who I will be when I am "thin"...
He is wary of me when I am doing anything to improve my body, as if I am some sort of secret in the back of the closet wrapped up in glittery paper....do you really want to rip it open to see what's inside or do you just stare at the surface?

Tonight I stood outside the door for hours, glaring at my reflection against the dirty glass.
Thinking, I'm not meant for this.
It rained-
but I just stood there waiting for someone to interpret the blank look on my face, while my hands shook like they were wind-struck and my arms couldn't reach far enough to turn the knob.

I convulsed outside the entrance gripping a key I could never bring myself to hold onto without it crushing into dust.
I waited-
for the glass to clear.
for the cracks in the pavement to mend.
for the rain to stop.
for someone to open the fucking door.
Thinking, maybe I'm just not meant for this...

I think it may be better for me to hold my journey as a secret from the one I trust the most, because it's my turn now.

[Michele]

Wow...you are a great poet! You really captured it! Awesome!

[Blush]

Thank you.

What are some of your setbacks?
How do you overcome them?

Is there someone in your life that is unsupportive of your lifestyle change? Have you discovered why?
How did you/are you dealing with it?

[Michele]

Actually, my boyfriend has been very supportive...when I did the 21 day detox and he was over, he ate just like I did and didn't complain at all...

I believe I self-sabotage...when I was thin I got a lot of negative attention from men (and positive attention but it is the neg attention that stands out) - I guess it is the classic protecting myself with fat...

I have been trying to change my internal talk...that I will be safe whether I am thin or not...maybe that is why I resinate to the thought of being healthy instead of trying to lose weight.

How about you? If your significant other is not supportive, why would you choose someone with those characteristics? I look at my history with anyone who was unsupportive and realize that they were my scape goat...I could blame them and not myself...Or can you talk to him/her and address your feelings/concerns?

I am just throwing ideas out there...only you know.

[Blush]

I look at my history with anyone who was unsupportive and realize that they were my scape goat...I could blame them and not myself...

well done.....well done.
I have to completely agree with this statement, as I have had many scape goats over the course of my time.

This seems to be the only time he is unsupportive with my decisions....I honestly can not think of another "for instance"

Last year I threw myself into a workout program and began a healthy eating plan. I successfully lost 30lbs. He actually became quite angry with me when I started to drop pounds. I was getting more attention than usual and it clearly made him uncomforatable. He would bring treats home...things that he KNEW I absolutly loved, and he would stock the cupboards with CRAP on his shop days. It got to a point where I would actually go through afterwards and dispose of the things I didnt want in the house. I'm sure you can imagine how well that went !!!! hahaha

I'm not sure what his fears or concerns are exactly, and the only thing I can get out of him is a
"you're just not the same when you are in train mode"
My mindset right now is, if he truly cared about me, he would be concerned about my health and well being.
Fuck, I would even just settle for a smile, a nod, and a "good work babe, keep it up".
I do not impose my changes on him as I know he is not even slightly interested. It's frustrating and I feel as if I am completely "alone" with my decisions.

WHY IS HE SO FUCKING SCARED

UGH, I wanna kick him in the shins.

[Michele]

He is scared of losing you...that is why he is so scared.

So I guess the next question is how do you help him get passed the fear? He says you are different when you are in train mode...which probably means you are more confident - which is a good thing for you but he feels threatened by your confidence. And my thoughts on he is supportive on all other things but this means he is confident in other areas but this one (and by area I mean losing you to a better guy or what he perceives as a better guy).

Possible solution: Make him feel secure in your relationship...that you need him...that you enjoy spending time with him...that you value his opinion and his input...

I heard an interesting interview a few years ago...I choose not to remember what the book was called but it talked about how little boys and little girls communicate differently. Little girls are very verbal and if you ask them how their day was there is a very good chance they will tell you...but a little boy will probably just say good or what ever...you have to do a physical activity (like shoot hoops or fish, etc - you get the point) for them to communicate with you...

Now I know you probably have a favourite activity with your man (and it rhymes with CHEX - yes that is my maturity shining through) but try a few other for good measure (like tossing a football)...see if he opens up and tells you why he feels unsupportive in your decision - or at the very least, buy him shin guards!

[Blush]

You know....
I have heard that reference to little boys and girls before.
I find it interesting that you used that.



I have never given him any reason to think that I would stray from this relationship. It has been quite the opposite actually.
He is a professional photographer and is surrounded by gorgeous, fit women most of the time. I have never questioned his loyalty, not even once, yet it seems to be front and center in his mind when it comes to me.

I have always been overly confident....at any size.
I have been trying, and will continue to try to incorporate some of his favourite activities into my fitness program. I also came to the conclusion that doing what he enjoys may make him see things differently...his interest is quickly lost with those as well.

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that it is a personal problem. HIS personal problem.
I will not be made to feel foolish with my choices anymore.

Perhaps it is time to "trim the fat"

[Michele]

I agree...if he is not willing to address his issues then he will continue to sabatoge your efforts. Personally, that is not the type of person I keep around...but only you know what is best for you...

[Blush]

phewf...

so I'm not crazy then !!!

well maybe a little, but things are more interesting in color.

*wink*

[awthorn]

okay time for a guys input. He is definatly scared of losing you!!!!!!! And well most men don't comunicate verbally very well... you have to look for the certain signs to get into his head for example if you going to the gym triggers a reaction from him maybe he is thinking that guys are checking you our or you are flirting at the gym : possible solution take him to the gym w/ you are your arm candy, most guys don't check out girls (for long atleast) if they are with another dude...


but like michele is saying anyone who dosen't support you in EVERY thing you do may not be worth keeping around, the only thing i can suggest is keep doing what you are doing b/c its what YOU want for yourself and maybe he will break after he sees that you are more fit and still with him he will be more comfortable with the new you!

hope some of this helps