Be forewarned…I am a smart ass – with good intentions. If you are scratching your head right now…I mean I will be laughing with you not at you. If you are still with me, then let’s continue!
I am passionate about human behavior and helping/analyzing others! How did I become this constantly analyzing never stop thinking half-wit? Well, let’s start at the beginning.
When I was 5, I was molested. It changed who I was but I believe for the better. I felt guilty and somewhat responsible for the molestation – yes, I know that sounds crazy but in my child’s mind I blamed myself for not running away or screaming for help, etc…I think I was sort of dazed as I really didn’t know what was going on – my gut told me to get out of there but I didn’t listen. From that point on, I became overly analytical for 2 reasons. The first reason was I wanted to protect myself from it ever happening again. I wanted to understand body language and human behavior to keep myself safe (from a child’s mind I didn’t realize I was doing that until I got older). The second reason was I felt I needed to make up for my sin…that I was a bad person that needed to give up everything I had to give to others. So I studied people to see what they needed, that way I could give what ever it was to them. When I was 19, I finally talked to a counselor about what had happened when I was 5 and the healing process began. In a future blog, I will write about the healing process I went through and the things/thoughts/processes that helped me heal. Maybe it will help someone else.
But my passion for analyzing people and helping them never went away – but it does come for a more balanced place of love – not guilt. My analytical nature also carries over into my relationships. I am always wondering why something happened or didn’t happen, what did I bring to the situation, what is my baggage and what was someone else’s baggage...My current conundrum is my new relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating for almost a year and this relationship challenges me like none other – in a good way.
Everything I know (or believe to know) has come from my own research and life experience – my need/yearning for knowledge and to understand. If you looked at my bookshelf, you would probably be bored out of your mind. So many books about human behavior…Steven Pinker, Richard Brodie, oh the list goes on! I do not have a degree in psychology but I do have a degree in life. I have believed for a long time that an unchallenged opinion is not worth having. So let’s challenge each other and see how we grow.
"A mind introduced to a new idea never returns the same size."
- Einstein
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