My morning walks to the gym have become something that I look forward to. I use this time to reflect, to contemplate, to plan.

There are no voices. The silence tolls its minutes mute as a mime artist gazing through infinate shadows. A nuisance of shroud lined streets…one after another.

I get lost in the chemical slip of lights and traffic knuckled down to marauder strides of panic. I lock inside sublimation and beating 4 am lasts forever. This is a place with no windows, only space. This cold, quiet mantra of my mind, where beneath midnight lurks shallow clocks and silent warnings as I catch dreams like moths in my mouth.

And its beautiful this way.

My eyes placate, tasting the cool fire of my imagination, climbing inside my soul in an onslaught of sliding sensations. Pulling a pheonix canopy over questioning eyes, inducing rays of skyfire and orange tinged horizon fantasies.
Something in the air whispers contagious and I devour impossibilities while I take one step closer to my goals…

I felt a rush as I stepped through the mall doors and continued down the hall towards the gym.
Something great is going to happen today…I can feel it.

I changed quickly, remaining overly excited for my date with the scale.

Did I push it enough? Will I able to pull it out last minute? What if I didn’t lose? What if I gained? I wonder how much Israel lost?

Panic sets in and all of a sudden getting on that scale is the last thing I want to do.

“Get a grip lady, you are running yourself into a frenzy here….just breathe. You know you’re amazing.”

Ahhhhhhh the voice of reason.
She forever remains a prisioner inside my head, but holds me close when I need her the most.

*deep breath and step up*

[Read more…]