Swingers

by Michele on December 30, 2007

Swinging. I am sure everyone has heard this term before. If not, swinging is defined as a form of recreational, social, and sexual intercourse between consenting adults. Swingers commonly consist of male/female couples meeting with other male/female couples for sex and ongoing intimacy. My knowledge on what happens at these parties was very limited until I watched this documentary about swinging. I selected the play button with wide eyes and many questions…What kind of people go to these parties? How do they work? Does kissing, caressing and having sex with another person outside of a couple’s relationship not affect their relationship? Well, I believe I found my answers…



The Five W’s of Swinging

Who – The majority of swingers are middle to upper class married couples.

The people attending the party on the documentary seemed like everyday people. I guess in my little immature mind, I was thinking it would be like a party at the Play Boy mansion. And for those of you who also thought that, let me burst your bubble right now!

It always amazes me when people participate in a risque documentary. Their faces are shown, their naked bodies are shown…no bashfulness once so ever – which for some is ok at a party but this is on video for everyone to see forever! Even their MAMA’s could watch this!

What – The swinger lifestyle is to simply give and receive pleasure. There are three types of swinger lifestyles. Soft (a couple has sex among others but no intercourse with others), Open (an orgy), and Closed (partners swap but have sex is separate rooms).

When – Swinging was believed to have started in the 1950’s.

This documentary focuses on a couple (Gary and Margaret) that throw a party twice a month. All couples must pay a fee upon entering the party ($30 per couple). Drinks and snacks seemed to be provided.

Where – Gary and Margaret use their house for swinging parties. The house had certain rooms for ‘entertaining’. The backyard holds a huge pool (where the water was kept very warm) and a big pool house. The pool house has a handful of private rooms (curtains for doors) and one large orgy room.

Why – Some people seem to get bored with their marriages/relationships after many years of being together and want to spice their sex lives up.

How - How do you approach someone? The answer is basically you flirt with someone you are interested in…if they flirt back then there is a good chance they want to be with you too!

Everyone has the right to say no and to change their mind. Respect is key. As well, you are expected to bring your own condoms.

Relationship Dynamic

Through out the documentary, I observed the swinging couple (Gary and Margaret). Gary seemed to fill the dominate roll. He made a lot of the decisions and Margaret just agreed. An example is at a garage sale, she suggested they buy quite a few items. He says no to all of her requests (or so is shown on the documentary). They never show Gary asking Margaret if they should buy things. They did walk away with almost too much to carry so it seemed he was the decision maker.

Another scene is where the documentary interviewer (Louis) is asking Gary if he just flirted with a woman in a lingerie store. Gary said that he didn’t, but that he thought she might want to come to the swingers parties. Then Louis is with Margaret and he wants to ask the grocery cashier to the party. Margaret said no because you have to come as a couple. This left me confused as it seemed Gary didn’t follow the same rules…

To make a long story short, Louis finds a girl (Lisa) to take to the swingers party (she answers an ad where Louis requests a girl to attend a swingers party with him).

Gary was heavily flirting with Lisa and is totally in to her. He is chatting it up, being affectionate (which I never saw him be with his wife), flirting, having a good time and Margaret is sitting at the door by herself.

Louis questions Margaret as to why she is not in the back yard having fun. Margaret explains that the front door needs watching. Margaret looks after the front door (house) and Gary looks after the back yard.

When Louis and Lisa leave, Gary is still flirting with Lisa – right in front of Margaret. Gary and Lisa did not have sex (at least I don’t think they did) but the interest seemed mutual.

The following day Louis asks Margaret what she thought of Lisa. Margaret makes some polite comments but you can see her expression changes. Then she excuses herself to the other room.

I don’t think you have to be a genius to see how swinging is affecting their relationship. It didn’t seem to make them closer as a couple or improve their relationship – at least from my perspective.

I wish Louis had found out how often Gary and Margaret had sex with each other? I have a number in mind but I will let you decide for yourself.

To Swing or Not To Swing

After watching this documentary, I definitely won’t be attending a swingers party – not that I was planning on going to one anyway. It is just not for me. I like being emotionally attached to sex. I do not want to be so emotionally detached from my partner that seeing him be sexual with another woman doesn’t bother me. I think it should bother me. I don’t know, maybe I have a naive perspective on the whole thing. The idea of it might be appealing for some but I would bet that the reality of it would ruin many a relationship.