Swingers

Swinging. I am sure everyone has heard this term before. If not, swinging is defined as a form of recreational, social, and sexual intercourse between consenting adults. Swingers commonly consist of male/female couples meeting with other male/female couples for sex and ongoing intimacy. My knowledge on what happens at these parties was very limited until I watched this documentary about swinging. I selected the play button with wide eyes and many questions…What kind of people go to these parties? How do they work? Does kissing, caressing and having sex with another person outside of a couple’s relationship not affect their relationship? Well, I believe I found my answers…



The Five W’s of Swinging

Who – The majority of swingers are middle to upper class married couples.

The people attending the party on the documentary seemed like everyday people. I guess in my little immature mind, I was thinking it would be like a party at the Play Boy mansion. And for those of you who also thought that, let me burst your bubble right now!

It always amazes me when people participate in a risque documentary. Their faces are shown, their naked bodies are shown…no bashfulness once so ever – which for some is ok at a party but this is on video for everyone to see forever! Even their MAMA’s could watch this!

What – The swinger lifestyle is to simply give and receive pleasure. There are three types of swinger lifestyles. Soft (a couple has sex among others but no intercourse with others), Open (an orgy), and Closed (partners swap but have sex is separate rooms).

When – Swinging was believed to have started in the 1950’s.

This documentary focuses on a couple (Gary and Margaret) that throw a party twice a month. All couples must pay a fee upon entering the party ($30 per couple). Drinks and snacks seemed to be provided.

Where – Gary and Margaret use their house for swinging parties. The house had certain rooms for ‘entertaining’. The backyard holds a huge pool (where the water was kept very warm) and a big pool house. The pool house has a handful of private rooms (curtains for doors) and one large orgy room.

Why – Some people seem to get bored with their marriages/relationships after many years of being together and want to spice their sex lives up.

How - How do you approach someone? The answer is basically you flirt with someone you are interested in…if they flirt back then there is a good chance they want to be with you too!

Everyone has the right to say no and to change their mind. Respect is key. As well, you are expected to bring your own condoms.

Relationship Dynamic

Through out the documentary, I observed the swinging couple (Gary and Margaret). Gary seemed to fill the dominate roll. He made a lot of the decisions and Margaret just agreed. An example is at a garage sale, she suggested they buy quite a few items. He says no to all of her requests (or so is shown on the documentary). They never show Gary asking Margaret if they should buy things. They did walk away with almost too much to carry so it seemed he was the decision maker.

Another scene is where the documentary interviewer (Louis) is asking Gary if he just flirted with a woman in a lingerie store. Gary said that he didn’t, but that he thought she might want to come to the swingers parties. Then Louis is with Margaret and he wants to ask the grocery cashier to the party. Margaret said no because you have to come as a couple. This left me confused as it seemed Gary didn’t follow the same rules…

To make a long story short, Louis finds a girl (Lisa) to take to the swingers party (she answers an ad where Louis requests a girl to attend a swingers party with him).

Gary was heavily flirting with Lisa and is totally in to her. He is chatting it up, being affectionate (which I never saw him be with his wife), flirting, having a good time and Margaret is sitting at the door by herself.

Louis questions Margaret as to why she is not in the back yard having fun. Margaret explains that the front door needs watching. Margaret looks after the front door (house) and Gary looks after the back yard.

When Louis and Lisa leave, Gary is still flirting with Lisa – right in front of Margaret. Gary and Lisa did not have sex (at least I don’t think they did) but the interest seemed mutual.

The following day Louis asks Margaret what she thought of Lisa. Margaret makes some polite comments but you can see her expression changes. Then she excuses herself to the other room.

I don’t think you have to be a genius to see how swinging is affecting their relationship. It didn’t seem to make them closer as a couple or improve their relationship – at least from my perspective.

I wish Louis had found out how often Gary and Margaret had sex with each other? I have a number in mind but I will let you decide for yourself.

To Swing or Not To Swing

After watching this documentary, I definitely won’t be attending a swingers party – not that I was planning on going to one anyway. It is just not for me. I like being emotionally attached to sex. I do not want to be so emotionally detached from my partner that seeing him be sexual with another woman doesn’t bother me. I think it should bother me. I don’t know, maybe I have a naive perspective on the whole thing. The idea of it might be appealing for some but I would bet that the reality of it would ruin many a relationship.

28 Comments

  1. Hi Just read the review on the documentry you watched in regards to Swingers…The people that were potrayed in this documentry is not a true sense of the people that do it..My husband and I are new to this, but have had dealings with friends for many years that told us how they go about it there is rules in each marriage/relationship on how when why and where. Many couples have a decent respect for each other and cleary the subjects in this documentry didn’t. Most clubs will allow a single female in but not a single male.

    We are not bad people we were looking for some more fun in our marriage, that suited out lifestyle. It is based on trust and knowing when enough is enough.

  2. Thanks for your comment. I am glad you can shed more light on the topic. :)

    I fully admit I have limited knowledge on swinging but it is a topic I was curious about – and thought others might be as well.

    I am sorry if my article implied that I thought swingers are bad people – as I do not think they are. It is just a life style I can’t see myself living. No judgment but just not for me.

    If there is anyone else that can tell us more about what swinging is really like, I would love to read your comments.

  3. If you really want to know what it’s like in the world of swingers, you might be interested in our blog. It’s very adult, in case that offends. We’d be glad to answer any questions you may have.

    Danni and B

  4. Thanks Danni and B.

  5. Whoa. It worked for me. Heh, … wasn’t expecting that.

  6. The Beautiful Kind January 25, 2008 at 10:18 pm

    You said this: “I do not want to be so emotionally detached from my partner that seeing him be sexual with another woman doesn’t bother me. ”

    I feel the opposite of this – I feel super emotionally close to my partner, and seeing him with another woman excites me very much. I don’t feel threatened by it – I love watching him enjoy himself and it makes me feel proud to see another woman thrill at his touch. There’s a word for describing the experience of feeling pleasure when one’s partner is with another person, it’s the opposite of jealousy – it’s compersion. I’ve reached a whole level of complex emotions I never thought possible. It took some evolving, but I was curious from the beginning and I’ve never been the monogamous type.

  7. My husband and I have played around with swinging and the only thing I got out of it was bacterial vaginosis from another female and a lot of lectures from my husband on how to behave. I now refuse to do it anymore. It may be for some but not for me. Another thing is that it seems that the women take better care of their appearances than the men so I was left having sex with men that were no where near as nice looking as my husband……….So who was the winner in all this? NOT ME!

  8. Karen I feel sorry for you having the bad experience you did. I do believe that swinging is not for everyone, for the same reason you had your bad experience. Another reason being after seeing your partner with someone else, you get that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. Swinging is not for everyone, if either partner feels uncomfortable after trying it for the first time then by all means do not do it again. It is not worth ruining the relationship you already have.

  9. sounds like swinging isn’t for you Karen, as webmaster and swinger, in fact I started swinging when it was called wife swapping LOL – I love the lifestly and so does my wife, but I do know many other that have tried and didn’t enjoy it – but bottom line is – until you try you won’t know

  10. My partner and I have done the swinging thing, and we loved it. We have had two really great experiences with hot couples that we can also just hang out with, the end of the night is just better!

    We have also had 1 bad experience, but we just let that go.

    We just learned that you both have to be very clear on what you want and the boundaries you have. We only swing in the same room as each other and everything is done together…. we cant get enough, but our main problem is finding people we click with..

    as with one of the other posts, most of the men in the swinging are not very hot, and it sucks, but it just takes time to find another couple you both click with.

    I am bisexual so it satisfies my needs to be with a girl, and my other half loves watching me with men, so he gets his satisfaction as well.. we have no jealousy issues, I love to watch him with girls,

    Its not for everyone, however, how do you know if you have never tried??

  11. Good write up.
    I have also wrote some articles myself that are very useful for couples and singles thinking of trying out the lifestyle.
    http://nudecrave.com/articles
    I tend to find that swinging is becoming more and more accepted.
    Whats your thoughts.

  12. I found a really cool new site http://www.asurething.net check it out adult dating

  13. I agree it is definitely not for everyone. I have been involved for the past 6 or 7 years with a few different partners. It seems the partners that know exactly what they want out of it do just fine. The ones that roll with the punches and do things that they my not want to do have a lot of problems with it. There is also many many different levels of swinging not everyone is into the “full swap” which pops into your head when you hear about swinging. For more info check out my site http://www.curious4curious.com/site lots of information and real people. I know it was a shameless plug lol!

  14. My experience on swingerscoast2coast.com has been an exciting one….I love being able to chat with other swingers…Just by talking to them you can fulfill your deepest fantasies….Not to mention the erotic games are a blast to play…On here you don’t have to pretend to be somebody you’re not…It is a relieving feeling to just be yourself and not have to worry about being judged for being a swinger, being gay, being straight, or being bisexual…Subscribing to this site was one of the best things I have ever done…Like I said its just a satisfying feeling to be able to be yourself and to be able to act out your fantasies no matter how crazy or erotic they are.

  15. hey, apparently the first love hotel will open in France next summer, in Pontoise, next to Paris!!!! So cool!!! I was waiting for it in france for ages!!

  16. Slimming Patch June 1, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Swiging sounds like good exercise, doesn’t it?

  17. It seems like the only press Swingers get is bad press.

  18. What’s happened to traditional marriage? Morals and values within a marriage? Wow.. sad.

  19. I am a swinger. I know couples that are uneven like that, I have met women who routinely “take one for the team”. But if you have trust, this can be an awesome experience. I also know alot of couples who do this because they love to see thier partner get pleasure, even if they are not the one to give it. I have a blog all about my experiences and if you read it you will see that it can add so much….so so much!

  20. it is not always so complicated, sometimes it is just about sex

  21. Swinging can extend a marriage, as long as trust and honesty are in the game.

  22. I am going to be having my first group sex session this weekend. Pretty excited and nervous about it. I think there are two groups of swingers – the glamourous, playboy mansion type you mentioned in your post, but also the old, fat, ugly people type that is a bit of stereotype.

  23. We began in the lifestyle just this year and we have been very active. I read all of the comments above and all I can say is what people experience is as individual as the people themselves. My wife and I had a very clear understanding of why we entered the lifestyle and what we both wanted to get out of it.

    What the lifestyle has done for us has drawn us closer together. While the sexual part of our very long term relationship was quite good, it has gotten far, far better since we entered the lifestyle. Both the quantity and quality has improved dramatically!

    If a couple is very secure and very much in love, I believe the lifestyle will make it even stronger. If either couple is insecure or if the relationship is already in danger, I believe the lifestyle will drive the couple apart…and do so quickly!

    The encounters in the lifestyle are not without connection. Kissing, caressing, and flirting means that if there is an electric spark between play partners it can be thrilling! But it is the difference between infatuation and love. If when reading this, you can’t imagine the difference, you do not need to be in the lifestyle!

    Since the lifestyle is all about physical, animal attraction, I cannot imagine settling for someone less attractive than your own partner. We are a very, very fit couple and we haven’t had trouble finding other hot couples to play with. Yes, the lifestyle is definitely superficial…but if you aren’t truly turned on by the play partner it will not be a positive experience for either of you!

    The openness and honesty that emerges between a married couple that really embraces the lifestyle together means that there is virtually nothing that you can’t share together. No feelings that are “off limits”, no sexual fantasy that is taboo. The freedom that emerges from this is so refreshing.

    I would never say it is right for everyone. When you love the one you are married to and you separate for a hot sexual encounter, there is nothing hotter than returning to your own truly beloved and sharing everything together…

  24. I loved this post! there is finally blogs starting up that support the life style! keep up the good work!

  25. Thank you for the insight on this subject. I couldn’t agree more with your assessment, and I’ve not watched the video yet; I can’t imagine seeing anything in there that could convince me otherwise. Intimacy is the key to a good sex life and that is built through trust. Without intimacy, sex is nothing more than a primal urge begging to be satisfied and the criteria for mate selection is finding others who share the same sexual disorders…*shew* There’s nothing in this recipe that would support any level of real intimacy. “Why marriage?” Believing the fallacy that sex and intimacy are synonymous; they are seeking what they are missing…”

  26. I’ve read the article and the comments, but am still a bit confused as to the name of the documentary the writer is referring to. Can someone please let me know.
    thanks

  27. Dr benjamin loparo June 29, 2011 at 4:46 am

    Dr benjamin loparo swinging is great to relax you. I enjoy colored women and men. Ive had 2 open marriages and recomend swinging. It used to be taboo but now its main stream here in waretown nj.

  28. Good rules, I like when real swingers make posts. A lot of the ‘swinger blogs’ on the internet are just fakes. keep it up.

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